Recovery is Posssible, Don’t Give Up

Chronic illness, mental illness, an illness which endures is indescribable. It’s made up of pain which cannot be fully understood without actually experiencing it. People with illnesses and injuries, people like myself, aren’t placated into inaction. It’s not as if we don’t strive for the same things you do. It’s not as if we don’t want to excel. It’s that, to no fault of our own, one day we were thrust into a world inept to meet our challenges. This world wasn’t designed for us. The dreams we once had are dashed when we are told what we won’t ever be able to do again.

After my diagnosis of Schizophrenia, it was a death sentence. I’d never do anything worthwhile for the rest of my life. Called ‘profoundly disabled’. It was suggested that I live in a group home until I might end up in the hospital for a long-term stay. But almost four years later I’ve bought my own house and work part-time. I’m a student about to embark on a four-year program to a masters degree. I’m a published author and advocate for other people with psychotic disorders.

I’ve come so much further than any doctor would’ve dare predict. I am not afraid and in fact, I feel powerful. Like I have power over myself and a mind which doesn’t have my best interest at heart. Battles waged against ourselves are often the scariest. And certainly, they are the most difficult. But, when we face ourselves we experience a transformative journey. One which spurs us onward to wellness. That journey wasn’t easy for me and at times I lost myself. Those closest to me, those who were with me at my worst, know that at times I came close to losing the light. But I’m here now and ready to help those who find themselves on the edge like I once did. People with Schizophrenia are told there is no recovery. But I beg to differ. Hard work, harder work than you’ve ever done before, determination, and support dictates your own journey. Everybody’s recovery may look different in the end. But what’s most important is that you didn’t give up. Even when your symptoms were at their worst. And that you pushed yourself as hard as you possibly could.

The message here isn’t just, “don’t give up!” It’s, “recovery is possible, don’t lose hope.”


How the Placenta May Play into the Development of Schizophrenia

A new glance into our neurodevelopment poses that the placenta may play a key roll in a heightened risk for developing Schizophrenia. This study suggests that complications of the placenta may help to ‘turn on’ some of the genes that have been associated with diseases of the brain. Ones like ADHD, Autism, and Schizophrenia. For years now brain development has been the key hypothesis that points to the likelihood that Schizophrenia is actually a neurodevelopmental disorder. As opposed to a mood or personality disorder. Unfortunately, the biomechanisms on how this change occurs in the growing brain has remained misunderstood.

“While the subject of myth and ritual in many cultures, the placenta remains a scientifically neglected human organ, despite its essential role for supplying nutrients and chemicals critical for normal prenatal development. Indeed, the placenta is the only organ removed from a human body that is not routinely sent to the laboratory for examination.

For over a quarter of a century, brain development during pregnancy and shortly after birth has remained central to a hypothesis that Schizophrenia is a neurodevelopment disorder. However, the biological mechanisms involved were poorly understood. Previous studies have shown that genetic variants alone increase the odds of developing Schizophrenia by only a fraction, while early life complications during pregnancy and labor can increase the risk by up to two-fold. The Lieber Institute investigators studied over 2800 adult individuals, 2038 of whom had Schizophrenia, of various ethnic backgrounds from four countries, including the USA, Europe, and Asia. All had undergone genetic testing and were surveyed for obstetrical history information.”

Researchers have found a prominent link between genetic variations in Schizophrenia and serious pregnancy complications.

These hypotheses begin to help us understand the larger male than female ratio in developmental behavioral disorders, a list in which Schizophrenia is included. Males have a two to four times greater risk of developing these type of disorders and this study may help us see why. It’s become partly clear that placenta complications are more abundant in male birth.

Finding ways to understand the why and how people go on to develop something as serious as Schizophrenia can help us to intervene with high-risk individuals. This research, though at its beginning, could help us immensely in the future.


Burness. “Genes, environment, and schizophrenia: New study finds the placenta is the missing link: “Placenta may also hold the key to why neurodevelopmental brain disorders are more common in males.”

ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 28 May 2018.

Common Device May Lead to Inexpensive and Accessible Test for Schizophrenia

People with Schizophrenia may have reduced electrical activity in the retina. Doctors have now begun testing this theory and it’s proving to be true. The RETeval is a handheld device used to record electrical activity from the retina. When testing patients experiencing acute psychosis, as compared to those who are experiencing none, the RETeval is allowing doctors to diagnose Schizophrenia. A test like this, which is both non-invasive and fast, could lead to a quick method for diagnosing psychosis. Something so simple would also be more affordable and fast acting. Allowing those in the most critical care access to the benefits of early intervention.
And while biomarkers in the eyes is a new way to look at psychiatric disorders, it is a promising one. Many people who have Schizophrenia often face years of psychosis and profound disability before a diagnosis. And for some waiting years after the onset makes treatment difficult or even ineffective. More seriously, many people living with undiagnosed Schizophrenia will die by suicide. Schizophrenia is the second most deadly mental illness and has the highest rates of suicide. Nearly one in ten people diagnosed will die by suicide, more than that will attempt. You can see why early intervention is a critical factor in the life expectancy of some with this disease.
Though the RETeval isn’t going to become a diagnostic tool any time too soon. It does promise hope for an accessible, affordable, and quick solution to the current layover time from onset to diagnosis.


Docia L. Demmin, Quentin Davis, Matthew Roche, Steven M. Silverstein. Electroretinographic anomalies in schizophrenia.. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 2018; 127(4): DOI: 10.1037/abn0000347

Rutgers University. (2018, May 30). Promise of faster, more accessible schizophrenia diagnosis: Researchers explore eye function in schizophrenia as a window into the brain. Science Daily. Retrieved June 30, 2018 from:

Back to School With Schizophrenia

Am I scared to return to school with Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder? I’d like to say no. I’d like to say I’m not terrified. For me, my first college experience was populated by hospitalizations. And steeped in constant instability. Which is why I left. I needed to get better and I wasn’t going to if I stayed in school. My expectations were set too high and with every failure, I sank lower. There was a period, close to the end of my time at my school, that I was missing weeks of classes at a time. It got so bad in fact that the school actually had a meeting, or intervention, to discuss my health. I was present and actually shaking under the scrutiny.

Understandably I had been rotting away in my dorm room. I had not been keeping clean, not attending class, and not feeding myself.  Holding me hostage was an undiagnosed case of Bipolar and Schizoaffective Disorder. Along with a rare case of Conversion Disorder that left me unable to walk. So college ended for me in a hospitalization. Then a five-hour long evaluation. And finally the long-awaited diagnosis of one of the more serious mental illnesses: Schizoaffective Disorder. The unholy union of Bipolar One and Schizophrenia.

My doctor put me on a max dose of Seroquel, an antipsychotic. And a heavy dose of antidepressant. Followed by some other medications. I took the time to recover physically. And then with the help of my still partner, we got an apartment. I went for another try of school but in the end, we left the area and embarked on the hardest year of our lives. Myself recovering from Schizoaffective Disorder and him battling his own depressive disorder. Jobs were very hard to come by and we lived off seven-hundred and thirty-five dollars a month. Each of us had our own sleepless nights.

But in the end, we’ve come out on top. We’ve bought a house, a car, and he is approaching a career. So, I’ve decided to go back to school. In the wake of hardship, I’ve grown hardy. Understanding that I am able to fight in even the hardest of situations. A flower unwilling to wilt even in frost. So what am I doing to protect myself as I prepare myself my return in the fall?

First, I am taking the time to begin making lists now. Deciding what it is that I will need to manage my health conditions on campus. Things like medication organizers, and medical id bracelets. Apps which help me to manage multiple aspects of illness. Notebooks which aid in organization and note-taking to help with my cognitive symptoms. A good planner. And a backpack that won’t increase my chronic back pain.

Over the summer I plan on studying my schedule and learning it ahead of time. I will be notifying my professors and the school of my mental and physical health conditions. It’s better they know ahead of time even if it never makes a difference. After my experiences, and being aware of the stigma that surrounds Schizophrenia, I have decided to be open about it. That is the best policy (at least for me). Schizophrenia ISN’T the death sentence it was once believed to be.

With proper management and support, Schizophrenics can recover. We can return to functioning in our personal lives. And functioning in the community. Of course, Schizophrenia is a spectrum much like Autism is a spectrum. Even if Schizoaffective Disorder is on the more serious end of both the Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia spectrum. With energy and time, recovery is achievable. Even if Schizoaffective Disorder is life-long, it is still a life worth living.

Another important aspect of my return to school is that it’s a new school altogether. No reminders of my darkest journey with every step. No reminders of my suicide attempts by being on campus alone. I’ll never have to return to the emergency room that traumatized me. By starting on a new campus at a new school it’s a new beginning. And that’s important. It may be one of the single most important aspects for me.

So, by knowing what I need ahead of time. By preparing for classes with enough time. And by notifying my new school of my disabilities I am taking the stress out of a new experience. By being honest and open I am creating a positive relationship with this experience. I am encouraging the continuation of my recovery. I’m scared to return to school and to academic life. There is some doubt but in the shadow of hard work and treatment and support. I’m not afraid to say that I am disabled. I am not afraid to say that I am a Schizophrenic. And I am not afraid to say that I’m in recovery.

The only thing that I am afraid to say is that I gave up.


A Plan For Daily Self-Care

Daily Carry(with chronic illness)

It’s Okay